Last night, Stephen Colbert tried to explain Sarah Palin’s somewhat circuitous defense of Rush Limbaugh. Recently, she called for the resignation of White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel for reportedly referring to liberal groups as ‘f–king retarded’. When Limbaugh, on his radio show, repeatedly used the term ‘retards’ in reference to liberals, Palin defended him, claiming since it was a joke, he didn’t really mean it. Colbert, in support of Palin, tried to clarify the difference between the two situations by giving another example of satire, saying ‘Sarah Palin is a f–king retard’.

 Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.  It said:

THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?

A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans).  They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales.  They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp.  They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs.  They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans.  They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don’t exist.  If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis.  Fish or human?  They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex?  Therefore they don’t have kids either.  Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who’s skin is all scaly and smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me… I want to be a whale.

P..S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my grandkids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a latte with my friends.  With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.  So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.  Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, “Good gosh, look how smart I am”!
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any-body.org

Twinkle Dwivedi bleeds from her eyes, nose, hairline, neck and soles of her feet / Barcroft Pacific

• Bleeding from eyes, hairline for three years
• Occurs up to 50 times a day
• May suffer from a mild clotting disorder

A GIRL who bleeds from her eyes and other parts of her body without any apparent injury or cut has left doctors baffled.

Twinkle Dwivedi, a 14-year-old who lives in northern India, has been spontaneously bleeding from her eyes, nose, hairline, neck and soles of her feet for the last three years, UK tabloid The Sun reports.

The bleeding can happen up to 50 times a day and result in the loss of litres of blood.

“I bleed from my eyes, my hands, my head, from everywhere. From my ears and nose as well,” Twinkle said.

“It doesn’t hurt when the bleeding starts. But it makes me tired and sometimes I have headaches.”

Because of the bleeding Twinkle has been unable to attend her school in Lucknar, Uttar Pradesh.

Dr George Buchanan, an expert haematologist from the US, examined Twinkle in a Mumbai hospital but was unable to explain the strange condition.

“I’ve never seen a case of someone who bleeds spontaneously from their scalp or their palms, or read about it in medical history,’ Dr George Buchanan said.

“It doesn’t seem physically possible for blood to seep through intact skin.

“But I saw no signs of cuts or bruising anywhere on her body.”

Dr Buchanan and his team believe tests may show that Twinkle has a mild clotting disorder, which keeps her blood from coagulating properly but this is not enough to explain her strange condition.

Twinkle will be the subject of a documentary to be aired on UK Channel 4 later this week.
news.com/au